


Fleeting Attractions

by devilinthedetails



Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Advice, Asexual Kel, Asexuality, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Identity, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 19:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17106965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilinthedetails/pseuds/devilinthedetails
Summary: Kel wonders if her lack of attractions is normal.





	Fleeting Attractions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Big_Wee_Hag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Big_Wee_Hag/gifts).



> Written for the Wishing Tree event at Goldenlake.

Fleeting Attractions 

Kel had expected to be happy to see Dom again, and she was, but her heart didn’t gallop in her chest, her knees didn’t wobble like Yamani rice pudding, her palms didn’t sweat in his presence, and her face didn’t flush at his teasing. Instead she felt only the pleasant warmth–as if she were sipping tea by a roaring fire–that she always did upon being reunited with an old friend whom she hadn’t seen for awhile. Her attraction for him had fled in the same way that her crushes on first Neal and then Cleon had. She was so fickle that she couldn’t help wondering if she experienced romance the way everyone else seemed to...

She shared this worry with her oldest and most trusted friend after a dawn practice duel in Giantkiller’s courtyard he had won courtesy of years training under Alanna the Lioness. 

“I don’t think I’m normal in the way I feel attraction for people–or rather the way I don’t feel attraction for people,” Kel confided to Neal as they sat on a splintery wooden bench, drinking from their water canteens. 

“I don’t know why you’re suddenly concerned about being normal after spending years breaking boundaries.” Neal’s green eyes gleamed. “Your attraction to Cleon did seem quite normal to me except for the fact that you chose an overgrown oaf as the target of your affections instead of a more attractive fellow.” 

“I’m not sure I genuinely felt attraction for Cleon.” Kel stared across the courtyard as she contemplated feelings for Cleon she couldn’t be certain had ever existed outside of her wishes or her imagination. “I might have been trying to make myself feel attracted to Cleon because I thought that would make me feel happy and fulfilled, but instead I ended up drained and confused. I might have been trying to fall in love with Cleon because I believed that was what I was supposed to do.” 

“I understand some of what you’re saying.” Neal squeezed her shoulder. “When I composed poetry and sighed after beautiful ladies, I was exaggerating my feelings in the name of courtly love, but once I found my true love in Yuki, I wanted it to be something private and sacred, not a spectacle for all to gawk at. It’s easy to exaggerate emotions when you think that’s what you’re supposed to do.” 

“You don’t think there’s something wrong with me then?” Kel had half been hoping that her healer friend would be able to swiftly diagnose her problem and cure it so she could feel more than fleeting attraction for charming, handsome men like Dom. 

“Nothing is wrong with you besides your lunatic desire to train with weapons at daybreak.” Neal gave her shoulder a clap before releasing it. “In fact, it may be healthier for you not to experience attraction at all since you don’t have to concern yourself with heart thudding or your whole body going faint without warning. You should probably thank the Goddess for not burdening you with the strain of silly romances.” 

“Thank you, Neal.” Kel wished she could say more to express her gratitude to him for not only accepting her but helping her accept herself as he always had since she first arrived in the pages’ wing as the uncomfortable object of stares and speculation. 

“I’m just glad that someone finally appreciates my unparalleled wisdom in all matters of the heart.” Neal was preening like a peacock, and Kel’s urge to thank him further faded. 

“It’s good that you’ve finally found a use for yourself after all these years.” Kel nudged him, hoping to deflate his swelling ego, and thought that friendship without romance should be more than enough to make her happy as she served the realm all her days.

**Author's Note:**

> Tammy has indicated in interviews that Kel is asexual. I have never before attempted to write an asexual character but I tried to do justice to Kel's asexuality here. I also tried to make this story as compatible as possible with our last glimpse of Kel in Lady Knight where she is looking forward to being reunited with Dom.


End file.
